you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
