girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize