right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
