I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
