I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
