just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
