I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
