he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
