so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
