well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
