That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
