I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
