...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
