sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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