so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Mom said you looked used
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
