Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
