I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
