I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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