if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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