Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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