I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
