with your own penis?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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