Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
