Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
