I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
