Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
