Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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