3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
