before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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