Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My liver just had a heart attack.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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