WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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