The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
