yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
