I need to stop coming to work sober
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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