well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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