In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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