You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
