You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
