There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize