Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
