i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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