You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
