Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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