I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
