my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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