i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
