Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
