you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
