If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize