I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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