I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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