I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
