Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
