someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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