He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
