Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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