So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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