I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
