My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
