I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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