Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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