is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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