never play flip cup with pint glasses
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
