The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please, let me fuck your mom
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
