Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
