words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
