you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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