Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
