no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize