fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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