So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
