just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
