what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
